Friday, January 20, 2012

My Laptop and My Boobs...

...have decided they don't really want to work anymore.  Our laptop broke a few weeks ago.  We had to take it to the Apple store in Rancho to have them look at it because it wouldn't load past the gray apple.  We took it in and it turns out the hard drive took a crap and needs to be replaced.  This means my whole computer is getting wiped.  Thank God for Picasa and Google Docs!!!  What did people do before the cloud?  I used to have a Toshiba laptop, and the back light on the screen went out and it got wiped too.  I was so sad when I lost all of my pictures and important documents.  Since that scarring experience, I back things up like crazy.  Any important documents get emailed to myself and stored in a "don't lose this" folder and also get uploaded to Google Docs and all pictures get uploaded to Picasa before I even look through them for fear that my computer will crash mid-view.  I made Mike download a Picasa app on his phone so that I can nag him about uploading his phone pictures on a regular basis in case that gets ruined.  And it's news like "well, your hard drive crashed and we need to replace it" that makes all the paranoia worth it.

On the topic of semi broken things: I have had a really hard time lately with nursing.  I am just not making enough milk for him anymore.  When I used to be able to pump 18oz from the time I left home for work to the time I got home, I am now lucky if I get 10oz.  10oz does not feed Chubby Baby.  And yes, we've started solids, and OMG he eats a lot - yesterday he went through 16oz of butternut squash plus 10oz of milk plus about 20oz of formula mixed with rice cereal, what a freaking heifer right?  I always said that my goal was to get to 6 months with nursing and he will be 5 months on Monday.  But then things were going so well, I stock piled milk like a squirrel in fall, and I thought to myself that maybe I could make it to a year.  But now it seems I'll be lucky to make it another month.  And I am really sad about it.  I feel like I am failing as mother and as a woman.  Now I know that many would say that is irrational, but regardless, it's how I feel.  Every time I have to make up a bottle of formula because he's still hungry after nursing, I feel that sting of not being able to provide for him like I should be able to.  I feel like when I stop nursing, and I am no longer the beloved 'Food Lady,' that my importance will diminish and that I will take a back seat to the 'Fun-Guy' or as I have started calling him 'The Mushroom.'  I know that everyone says that all boys are momma's boys, but I am terrified of being the exception to the rule.


  1. Sorry to hear about your computer!! You poor thing. I back everything up myself both on a hard drive and online. I am paranoid lol. As for the nursing, you poor thing it usually happens when they start solids and boy can your little one eat!! He is so adorable though. I only made it to the 6 month mark and figured she was lucky to get that much lol I just couldn't keep up with her appetite. Mine likes to eat too. Don't be so hard on yourself about nursing.

  2. yeah, he really is an eater. any recommendations, or things that Cindy really likes that I should try?